i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
