I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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