Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
