i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
