Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
