I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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