What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
