Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
