Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
