hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its not stalking. its research.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
