how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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