i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize