and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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