What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ugly people sure do ruin things
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
