don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
