I heard we made out
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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