Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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