Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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