I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
