She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
