So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
