Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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