I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
