In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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