Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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