he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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