Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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