then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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