Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
