we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
