Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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