you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
