maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
