Porn is love you can see.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
