Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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