I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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