Someone shit on the floor
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
