she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
