He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
