Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize