i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
