Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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