"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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