The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
