she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
