I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
