i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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