I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
