You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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