I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
