He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
