i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
