What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
In America we eat man semen.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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