that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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