just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize