Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
