According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
