***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
