can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize