it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
