He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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