So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
