I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
