I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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