it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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