Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize