Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
