dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
