My friends, they love my intelligence
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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