Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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