Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
