Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
