3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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